Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
