you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
