Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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