im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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