You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm gonna have a badass scar
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
