mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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