When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
