He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
