using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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