Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
