; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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