OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
