69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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