I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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