I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the day after is always just damage control
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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