Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
