Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sober January is a disaster.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
