see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
