Your dad touched me again.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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