just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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