i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
