Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
