This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
