Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
