i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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