i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
