It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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