i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
