So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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