You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
