$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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