Already got asked if we're dating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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