Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
