Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
