I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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