I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
