I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i now understand why vodka
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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