so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize