I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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