he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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