Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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