omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
