Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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