I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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