Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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