Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This show inspires me to have sex in space
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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