i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
