wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
