Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
