its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
