well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
