sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
