So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
