whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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