I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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