He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
