she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
