Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
