I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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