i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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