uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
